Negotiation for Women: Asking for What You Deserve

The pay gap persists not because women don't negotiate—research shows they do, increasingly—but because the negotiations themselves unfold differently. The same assertiveness that's rewarded in men is penalized in women. We face a double bind: accept less, or push and face backlash. Neither option is acceptable. The path forward requires different tactics.

I spent years leaving money on the table, grateful for any offer, afraid that asking for more would mark me as difficult. The first time I negotiated aggressively, my heart pounded and my palms sweated. The company said yes without hesitation. They had been waiting to be asked.

Research matters before negotiation begins. Know the market rate for your position. Know what others at your level earn. Arm yourself with data so that your request is not opinion but evidence. 'I'm asking for X because the market rate is Y' is harder to dismiss than 'I think I deserve more.'

The relational frame works better for women—unfortunately, given the unfairness, but practically useful. 'I want to be fully committed to this role, and ensuring fair compensation helps me do that' connects your ask to organizational benefit. It shouldn't be necessary, but it softens the penalty women face for self-advocacy.

Practice out loud. The words that sound reasonable in your head may come out uncertain or apologetic. Rehearse with a friend, in the mirror, into a voice recorder. The goal is to state your request cleanly, without qualifiers, without minimizing language. 'I'd like to discuss compensation' becomes 'I'm requesting a salary of X.'

Silence is power. After stating your request, stop talking. The urge to fill silence with justification or softening is strong—resist it. Let the other person respond. More negotiations are lost by over-explaining than by asking clearly and waiting.

Negotiation extends beyond salary. Flexibility, title, resources, professional development, vacation time—all are negotiable, all have value. When salary is capped, these elements may have room. Consider the total package, and don't leave value unclaimed in any dimension.

The long game matters. This negotiation is not the last. Document your wins, quantify your contributions, build the case for the next ask. Performance reviews are ongoing negotiations, not once-a-year events. Position yourself continuously, not just at formal junctures.

Mentor other women. Share salary information—the secrecy around pay benefits employers, not employees. Coach junior women in negotiation. Model asking for what you're worth. The change we need is cultural as much as individual. Each woman who negotiates well makes it easier for the next.